The Alchemy of "Because"

You've probably heard it said that you can't get where you want to go if you don't know where you're going.

So what do you really want? Do you know, and are you working toward it... or still wandering aimlessly spending your precious time and energy working on other people's dreams?

Do You Know What You Want?

If I were to ask you about your ideal life right now, you would not be able to describe it in detail. You're not alone if you don't know exactly what you want. Most of us struggle with this. We ‘see’ ourselves doing and having certain things, we ‘feel’ really good about it, but putting it all together, that’s hard! The second one of those little "I can't" voices chimes in, the mental image loses some of its appeal.

But unless you clarify exactly what you want, you're never going to achieve it. 

So what? Can't you make it up as you go? Sure! But if there's a dream tugging at your heart, don't you want to make it happen instead of forever dreaming about it?

Not knowing what you want is like ordering from a menu without being specific. If you order "soup" what's to stop the waiter from bringing you hot gooey cream of broccoli when you were craving a refreshingly cold and spicy gazpacho?

Here's how to order the thing you really want.

Create Alchemy Using "Because"

This exercise might surprise you because it goes contrary to what most personal growth teachers will tell you which is, "focus on what you want, not what you don't want." Bear with me, though. This works.

You see, most of us know precisely what we don't want. Down to the tiniest detail, we know what doesn't feel good, what we don't like, what we wish were different, what causes stress or pain, and what we want GONE. Now it's time to name it, define it, and get it out of your head.

Here's what you'll be doing:

1. Start writing about what you don't want. Write everything that isn't working for you. Use feelings of anxiety, pain, sadness, resentment, frustration, anger or longing to guide you in writing about the biggest problems in your life. You can decide whether to focus on one or two big pressing problems you're struggling with or simply write about everything that's bothering you that you wish were different.

2. Describe the situation, your feelings about it, its consequences, and why you want it to change. You may find it's a relief to brain-dump your problems out of your head! What is is about the situation/problem that you hate? What upsets you the most? What are you afraid of losing?

3. As you write, you will notice a sudden shift. One moment you're writing about all the things you want gone, and suddenly you've shifted gears and you're writing about what you want.

That's the alchemy: the moment you shift from "I don't want this" to "because I want this."

Here's a real-life example that a friend of mine wrote:

"I don't want to work this stressful mind-numbing job anymore. God I'm so bored! I dread going to work. I can't wait to get out of there. I'm wasting my life doing what I thought I was supposed to do, you know, like get a good job and keep up. Consume, obey. The money's great but it's eating me up. I don't want to commute an hour each way. That's time I'm never getting back from this job. I'd rather have less money and more time. I can't be contained in a corporate box! It's not me! My health is in the toilet, my relationship with my wife is spiraling out, I'm tired and bored all the time. Honestly I have to throw this lifestyle away because I want to do something meaningful with my life and spend more time with my kids and wife! I want to ride my mountain bike more. I want to explore the world. I want to inspire people with the possibility of going against the "shoulds" and living life the way they want it, screw society. I want to take my family on bike adventures. I want to ride more, and work on bikes. I would love to own my own bike shop. I want to create a thriving community around the shop. I can see myself being a magnet business in our little town. I can see my wife being my business partner in this. She would inspire so many women to get into the sport! We could even add an espresso and sandwich bar to fuel our hungry patrons! Man I just love thinking about creating an amazing community-oriented business out of a passion my wife and I both share."

Did you notice the shift?

It happened at "because."

Read the example again. You'll see the exact moment my friend went from "I don't want this" to "I want this." And...

... mind blown... even better... there's a second shift that occurred when he started writing about what he could envision.

There's the alchemy.

He might have been dreaming about it, but maybe never had the courage or clarity to define what he wanted. But his attitude changed and the seed of potential was planted the instant he said "because."

And this is just the start of what he wrote! He continued until his ideal life emerged, in all of its happy details.

This transformation will happen within you, too. The alchemy happens the moment you say, "because I want this."

One caveat: never let your logical and fearful mind get in the way. Be playful and free! Stop the exercise if you get into that negative head space, and come back to it later when you're feeling confident and happy. Once your idea has developed, it will be less susceptible to doubts and fears.

Why Does This Alchemy Work?

When you focus on what you want, you activate your Reticular Activating System, or RAS. That's the part of your brain that is tasked with noticing anything in your environment that will assist you in creating the situation you think about the most.

There's nothing woo-woo about it. It's science. By clearly identifying what you want you prime yourself to achieve it.

Your next step? Pay attention! Flashes of insight... random things you see or hear... memories... helpful people... these are "the signs you've been looking for." All you have to do is say "yes" to what you notice, trust yourself, and act without hesitation.

Your dream is waiting. When you shift from "I don't want this" to "because I want this" and hold that idea in your mind every day, extraordinary things will happen.

Create some alchemy today and change your life!